Feelings on a letter.

Hey,
Before you start to ask yourself what the hell I'm doing, I can tell you that this is just another way to show my feelings about you. I know you must be with another girl right now, and maybe you won't care about anything that I write in this letter; but I HAVE to do this. I know that I have to.
I'm really lost. I've never felt this way before. It's the first time in my life that I can't imagine what will happen in the next day. It's the first time that I can't feel my heart actually beating; I feel that he's just doing his job to make me alive, but he doesn’t get ANY emotion anymore. I mean... I can't get any emotion. All I can feel is this horrible and never ending pain.
I remember when you held my hands and told me that you'd love me forever; and you promise you'd never left me. I thought that promises and words could mean something to you, but now I can see that was I wrong.
When you showed up, everything started to make sense in my life. My heart told me I was doing the right thing when I decided to gave you a chance. So, I loved you ALL days we stayed together in that year. I loved you more than everything that I had until that moment. I loved you with all my forces and all my heart. You were the only reason to keep me smiling every single day. I remember all nights that we had together. I remember the gifts that you gave to me; the surprises; the talks... I remember that wonderful sensation that I used to have every time you held me. I remember that I could feel that I was being protected. Your kisses were the best contact that I've ever had with another person.
I can't understand WHY you left me. I mean, I had my mistakes and so had you; but we learned how to forgive. Actually, that's one of love's rules: you have to know how to forgive someone, when this person love means everything to you.
Talking about 'learn'... You taught me so many things; I guess YOU taught me what love is. How do you fell when you're in love.. You taught me how to live my own life. And thanks for that.
Nowadays, I just know that I miss you SO much. You're in everywhere I look; every place, every song; every word.. EVERYTHING in this city reminds of you. It's like a ghost that never leaves me. And sometimes, I fell save, 'cause at least I can have you in my thoughts, and nobody can take this from me.
I hope you're doing fine. Cause I'm trying to. I hope you find someone to love, but I swear, you'll never find someone who'll love you more than I did, and more than I do.
You'll always be a part of my life. If live it's a book, you are a no turning page. You're the most important chapter of my drama.
Well, I don't know what else to say, but to finish... don't forget: I LOVE YOU, BABY. And I severely wait for the day that you'll come back to me.

With love,
x.

An empty story. (Or just another tale)

A chuva já não caía na minha janela. Agora todos os dias tinham a mesma cara de fim de tarde. Sem sol, sem lua. Era uma realidade monocromática e entediante. Eu queria ter forças para continuar lutando, para acreditar que ainda havia esperanças para mim. Mas o fato é que a cada dia, eu me sentia mais fraca, e menos viva.
Nos raros dias em que a chuva resolveu dar a graça e cair de forma tranqüila e quase silenciosa, os inocentes pingos se confundiram com as minhas dolorosas lágrimas.
As lembranças me invadiam dura e friamente, causando-me ansiedade e por muitas vezes, desespero. Cada lembrança que vinha a tona era uma facada a mais no meu peito machucado. Eu me sentia afundando cada vez mais em um buraco muito fundo, sem conseguir me erguer, perdendo o equilíbrio, as forças, a luz e os sentidos. Eu poderia chamar esse buraco de passado.
Sempre me achei uma pessoa forte, do tipo que não gosta de depender das outras pra absolutamente nada. Bem, eu era assim. Mas meu ponto fraco estava no amor. Qualquer coisa relacionada aos “assuntos do coração” fazia com que eu perdesse meu eixo e, principalmente as palavras.
Às vezes eu queria muito acreditar que essa realidade sem ele, era na verdade um grande e monstruoso pesadelo. E que bastaria o sol entrar pela janela do meu quarto e meu corpo despertar, para que tudo voltasse ao normal e eu percebesse que havia sido apenas uma noite (extremamente) mal dormida. Mas infelizmente, eu deveria manter meus pés no chão – ato difícil de acontecer ultimamente, já que, desnorteada e desorientada como eu estava, seria bem difícil encontrar meu chão. Fixar-me novamente.
Nunca pensei que a saudade pudesse doer tanto; nunca imaginei que a saudade pudesse comprimir meu coração e fazer lágrimas botarem; nunca pensei que as lembranças seriam um dia, minha única forma de continuar vivendo aqueles momentos.